


Clenched Soul

by mallow87



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Minor Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Minor Monty Green/Harper McIntyre, Post-Season/Series 04, Skaifayakru
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-03-15 14:53:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13615713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mallow87/pseuds/mallow87
Summary: Everyone returns to the surface of the Earth after six years.  How will Bellamy handle being confronted by the memories of that place when he hasn't acknowledged his grief and guilt? Multi-chapter.Bellamy feels the heat on his face as he regains consciousness.  His eyes snap open to Monty, shaking his shoulder.  Bellamy’s eyes quickly sweep the small rocket to check everyone else.  Harper is helping Emori out of her complicated seat restraints as Echo fights with her own.  Murphy is assessing a small gash on Raven’s forehead.“We made it,” Monty rejoices in a soft tone before turning to help the former Azgeda spy.





	1. Emerge

**Author's Note:**

> Recommend listening to "We Will Meet Again" on youtube whilst reading. It's just mix someone put up that I mainly wrote to.

Octavia emerges from the coffin-like bunker. 

Over a half of the original population had perished in the last epidemic.  They had eventually reverted to blasting their way out.

She closes her eyes as the golden sun hits her skin for the first time in _six years_. 

The Earth. 

The Heda takes one more deep breath before turning to her gathering people.

“We have survived,” she calls out. The murmurs in the crowd don’t escape her notice.  “Praimfaya and disease tried to break us.  But _we_ have survived,” Octavia reiterates, looking into her people’s eyes. 

So many of the older grounders had not made it back to the surface.  Her gaze lands on the hopeful faces of the children born underground. 

“We are _Wonkru_. Let us build a new life for ourselves and our children,” the former Skairipa begins again, “Let us leave behind the blood and the war that has only devastated us all.”

Wonkru’s remaining old guard looks hesitant, but no one protests.  Marcus Kane nods in approval.  The mood overall is one of agreement and resolve.  Octavia nods to her second, who steps forward with instructions for making camp.  The dead will wait, the living must be looked after first.

 

Making her way to her hastily constructed tent, she makes eye contact with Miller to follow her. 

“Yes, Heda?” he asks as soon as they are inside.  Octavia waits for all others to exit before turning to him.

“Nate, I need to know what happened to the others.” With hesitation she adds, “To my brother.” 

“Octavia,” he glances around as he uses her name, “we haven’t heard from them in _six years_.  Do you really think they made it?”

Looking past him, toward the entrance, Octavia breathes in deeply.  “We’re breathing.” She feels strength fill her.  “There is hope for them as well,” she states resolutely, “I have to know either way.”  Nate nods his assent.

“I can have a search party leave within the next couple of hours.”

“Take tonight.  We finally made it back to the surface.” Octavia’s first smile of the day appears; a rarity in fact over the past few years.  “We all deserve to celebrate.”

Grinning, Nate nods before exiting.

Octavia shakes off the questions that have plagued her since the transmission cut out, since the last time she heard her brother’s voice.  Walking out of her tent, the fading blue sky stretches above her.  She sets to work for her people, as she’s done every day since the bunker sealed them in.

 

* * *

 

There’s a silence here in the woods that Clarke has come to love.  Just the sound of the wind, the calling of the returning birds and Madi humming along to it all.  

_Clarke had spent months in the lab as the world burned around her.  When she had finally ventured out, she found the formerly lush island charred.  On her second scavenging trip on the mainland, Clarke had found a small girl hiding in a cave.  Her eyes had been wide, not having seen another human for almost a year.  Without the promise of food, Clarke knows the wisp of a child would have run.  As they shared a protein pack, Clarke attempted to learn more, but Madi remained cautious.  It was only when Clarke accidentally cut herself that any real emotion appeared on the child’s face.  The trepidation vanished as relief seemed to flood her minute frame.  Madi approached the rock that had cut Clarke and made a small wound on her own hand._

_“Natblida,” Madi had stated, lifting her visible black blood next to Clarke’s own._

_“Natblida.” Clarke nodded before smiling._

_“Ai laik Madi,” Madi returned with her first real smile._

_“Ai laik Clarke.”_

 

Clarke regards her daughter lovingly.  The first gift this new Earth had given her.  The green had begun reappearing shortly thereafter.

“What?”  Madi looks up.

“Nothing, Natblida,” Clarke responds, “I just love you.”  Madi rolls her eyes, but the smile on her face shows her returned affection.

“Love me enough to let me use the radio this time?” the preteen queries hopefully.

Clarke smirks.  In a world absent of other people, there weren’t many outlets for a child looking to assert their autonomy.  The radio had become Madi’s newest fixation.  Had it been anything else, Clarke would find a safe way for her daughter to do it.  But this is her one way to contact Bellamy or at least attempt to.  It’s her last tie to him.

“Thought you could just slip it in like that, huh?”

“Worth a try.” Madi shrugs her shoulders before pulling down the rolled-up ladder.

Living in Becca’s mansion during the cold season, the small family spent the rest of their time in what had once been Trikru territory.  It had taken time, but they had constructed a house among the branches of the trees.  Safe from the area’s predators, Clarke finally has a real home again. 

The last place she had called that had been under the threat of constant attack and anarchy.  Then the weight of her guilt and responsibilities had left her feeling she couldn’t have one, that she didn’t deserve it.  There had been too much blood, too much death.  But slowly, as she watched Madi open up to her and the new world around them, Clarke’s heart had healed.  She has not forgotten but she has forgiven herself.  At some point, the ghost of Wanheda had slipped away into the ether, never to return.

She sits on a small balcony off her bedroom, Madi reading in her own, Clarke pulls out the radio.

“Here we go again. Bellamy, if you can hear me, you're alive.  It's been 2,199 days since Praimfaya.  I don't know why I still do this every day.  Maybe it's my way of staying sane, not forgetting who I am…who I was.  It's been safe for you to come down for over a year now.  Why haven't you?” She sighs before continuing.  “The bunker's gone silent, too.  We tried digging them out for a while, but there was too much rubble.  I haven't made contact with them, either.  Anyway, I still have hope.”

 

* * *

 

Bellamy feels the heat on his face as he regains consciousness.  His eyes snap open to Monty, shaking his shoulder.  Bellamy’s eyes quickly sweep the small rocket to check everyone else.  Harper is helping Emori out of her complicated seat restraints as Echo fights with her own.  Murphy is assessing a small gash on Raven’s forehead. 

“We made it,” Monty rejoices in a soft tone before turning to help the former Azgeda spy.

Bellamy tries and fails to keep his gaze from landing on the vacant seat by the door.  Its emptiness sends a stabbing pain to his heart.  The nerve in his clenched jaw ticks.  Hardening his face, he forces himself to focus on the present.  On getting everyone out of this heat trap.  Once he’s free from the many straps holding him, he launches into leader mode.

“Any serious injuries?” Bellamy starts with.  Harper shakes her head.  She had become the group’s doctor; combining the information she read in the Arc’s files with knowledge Echo shared of grounder battlefield medicine.  “Any idea where we landed?” He directs at Raven.

“Not definitively,” the former zero-G mechanic answers, “We should be within a couple days journey to Polis, but other than that…Echo will have to orient once we’re outside.”  Echo nods.

“Good enough for me,” Murphy concedes, “so long as we’re off that spinning tin can.”  Emori shoots him an annoyed look.  The recent break up is not going particularly well.  It had been in the making for a while, but Murphy was loath to accept the end of the relationship that had so changed him.  But six years is a long time, a lot of things can change.

Harper smiles and reaches for Monty’s hand.  But maybe not all things.  He returns her hopeful gaze and twines their fingers together.  The two former members of the hundred had worked through the darkest parts of their grief together.  Apart from a brief breakup for six months midway through the time in space, the two had grown together.

Bellamy’s eyes flick from the couple to the empty chair once more.  Raven sends a concerned look Murphy’s way. 

His eyes acknowledging her quickly. Clearing his throat, he draws all attention back to himself.  “Can’t wait to see what else can kill us now. Maybe the sea monster got bigger,” he postulates.

Raven rolls her eyes with a small, grateful smile.

“So long as it’s not made of metal, I think I can make my peace with that,” Emori contributes grinning.  Murphy gives her an almost wistful smile.

Silence falls as all eyes turn to their leader, anticipation building for what’s next.

“Okay everyone, grab your packs,” Bellamy makes eyes contact with each of his people, “it’s time to return to the ground.”

 

**[blarkeontheark](http://archiveofourown.org/users/blarkeontheark/pseuds/blarkeontheark)used the term Skaifayakru for those who escaped to the GoSci ring in their tale [Letters to Clarke](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11020017?view_adult=true) and I liked it.  So, I’m borrowing it with deep appreciation for their contribution to our fandom.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to chapter two of my first multi-chapter fic for this fandom. It's time for the first interactions between groups! Please remember, comments are food for writers.

The promise of this moment is what has kept everyone going through six years of algae rations, six years of canned air, six years of painful waiting.  Most of Skaifayakru are fully in the moment as they anticipate all of that ending with the simple twist of a handle.  For Bellamy though, reaching for the rocket’s latch has him flashing back to soft blue eyes and a firm voice warning him of the dangers outside the dropship.  The smallest of smiles appears briefly before he feels the forgotten sensation of tears stinging the back of his eyes.  But he senses his people, his friends, shifting restlessly behind him.  It’s time to go home.

Opening the small door, Bellamy is the first to brave any potential enemies.  Instead, he’s met with the sight of Nate Miller coming over a small rise.  The two men break into genuine smiles.  Nate moves away from the group he’s leading to greet his old friend.

“You made it!” Nate remarks in disbelief as they quickly hug.

“Octavia?” Bellamy asks immediately.

“She’s good, man,” Nate assures, “Just rebuilding society.  Ready for you to join her.”

“That makes two of us.” Bellamy smiles, relieved.

The rest of Skaifayakru makes their way out of the rocket.  Greetings and hugs are shared among the former members of the 100.  Emori and Echo stand only slightly awkward in the background.  Nate’s eyes search for Clarke but come up lacking. 

“So, what?”  Raven questions with a grin, “You just happen to be waiting right where we land?”

“Something like that,” Nate laughs, “Octavia sent me to look for you.”  Bellamy smiles again at the mention of his sister.

“Here?” Monty is surprised.

“There.” Nate’s head gestures beyond them.

The smile falls from Bellamy’s face as he sees it.  The island.  The island where she… Bellamy begins to feel like he’s suffocating.  He steels himself as he feels eyes fixed on him.  Some of them had tried to talk about it with him on the Ark.  But other than speaking of her to Raven on the first day, Bellamy refused to talk about what happened with Clarke ever again.  If fact, almost no one ever mentioned her around him at all.

_“Bellamy.” Echo approaches him about a month into their stay.  She hands him a rare photo.  He stares down at the innocent face of Clarke Griffin, Alpha station daughter.  Born member of the elite.  She looked only slightly younger than when they met on the ground.  He deducts it must have been taken shortly before her father’s death and her subsequent arrest.  Lost in his memories, he looks up only when Echo begin to speak again.  “You should have something to carry her memory.” Bellamy’s eyes begin to take on a sheen.  “Wanheda may have been an opponent most of the time, but she was brave and fierce.  Azgeda respects that.”_

_“Her name isn’t Wanheda,” he growls.  That_ stupid _name_. _“It’s Clarke.”_

_“I mean no offense,” Echo apologizes, “Clarke was…a formidable woman.  She was also, selfless and devoted to you and your people.”_

_The past tense clenches Bellamy inside.  He nods firmly then rushes straight for his new quarters.  Brushing abruptly past Murphy._

_Closing the door firmly behind him, he rubs his hands roughly over his face.  Anything to keep the grief away.  Bellamy slumps down the door, looking once more at the picture in his hands.  Just for a moment he allows the tears to stream down his face.  Everything Clarke had been to him.  Everything he wanted to be to her.  He feels the loss in the depths of his marred soul.  His head knocks into the metal, he takes in a deep breath, trying to steady himself.  He can’t afford to fall apart.  Not when everyone needs him.  He’ll do anything to keep her sacrifice from being for nothing.  He buries the photograph deep in his belongings, refusing to be weak again.  He had turned his heart numb after they took away Octavia and floated their mother.  He could do it again._

The conversation around him filters its way back into Bellamy’s consciousness.

“It looks like we won’t be making it back to camp tonight,” Nate states. 

“ _So_ strange to have to think about that again,” Monty voices in wonder.  Nate smiles.

“Let’s head to the island.  There seems to be shelter there.” He turns to issue the command to his group.

“No,” Bellamy counters firmly before softening slightly, “We’ll make camp here.”

He slings his pack off his shoulder, not waiting for a response.  There is no way Bellamy Blake will ever set foot on that island again.

Nate’s eyes flick over to Monty at the resistance.  Monty gives him an almost imperceivable signal to not question it.  Pulling it out of the pack, Bellamy’s tent is swiftly set up. 

“I, for one, plan to sleep as near the Earth as possible tonight,” Echo covers.  The years had not made her and Bellamy intimates, but a friendship had formed betwixt the two strong warriors. 

Nate acquiesces, informing his small group of the plan.  The Earth-born among them smile wide, the joy at being freed from the bunker has certainly not worn off.  Camp is set up quickly.  Tents surround a roaring fire.  Echo had joined some of Nate’s people as they successfully hunted for dinner.  That was a while ago.

 

Now, Miller’s team is standing watch around the perimeter as he sits around the fire with everyone who came down from the GoSci Ring. 

“Octavia really assigned Jaha to sanitation?” Harper’s eyes go wide.

“I can’t believe they let him stay after everything he did,” Raven rejoins.

“What—the city of light or trying to wipe out the entire grounder population?” Murphy scoffs.

“I would have given anything to see her go toe-to-toe with the Chancellor,” Bellamy says proudly.

“Skairipa was always fierce,” Echo admires.  Bellamy had promised to speak to his sister regarding Echo’s banishment if they ever made it home.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Nate testifies, “forcing warring nations into one group was not pretty, but she pulled it off.”  Bellamy’s eyes soften noticeably.  Echo listens closely, trying to gauge what to expect from their new commander.  The first that wasn’t of the blood.    

“What about the other adults?” Harper questions.

“Kane is part of Octavia’s council of advisors.  He and Indra really balance each other out,” Nate replies, “He got really sick just before Abby, but he was able to pull through.”

Bellamy’s body tenses at the mention of Clarke’s mother.  He had promised her that he would keep Clarke safe.  

“Did she…?” Raven prompts, brows turned up in the middle.

Nate drops his head before shaking it.  “No, the last epidemic took her, along with most of the former generals.”

Raven nods slowly, processing this new loss.  Bellamy’s eyes find the sky as he feels relief, chased immediately by a giant wave of guilt.  How selfish was he that he’d felt _relief_ that he didn’t have to tell Abby that Clarke…that he…

He clenches his jaw.

“I’ll go help with the watch.” Bellamy stands, all attention on him.

“You just survived smacking into the planet in a hundred-year-old rocket, man, you can rest.  My team’s got it,” Nate states.  He notices a voiceless conversation between Raven and Murphy in his peripheral.  There was clearly something he’d missed.  Nate resizes his friend as Bellamy shifts his weight restlessly.  “You know what, another set of eyes would be good.  We haven’t had a chance to really scout for new predators since we returned to the surface.  Who knows what’s up with those freaky panthers now.”

Bellamy’s tension seems to fade as he gives Nate a short nod.

“I will show you where they are posted,” Echo offers, standing.  The two quickly exit into the night.

 

The gentle roar and pop of the fire fills the lingering silence.

“So…” Monty begins, “What was the bunker like?”

“Intense.” Miller leans back, taking a deep breath.  “I mean, we’d all survived nuclear holocaust, but none of the generals were ready to forget the war they had just been fighting.”

“What did Octavia do?”

“Pull out an inspirational Blake speech from thin air?” Emori suggests with a wide, affectionate smile.  A hum of laughter circles the fire at the collective memory of Bellamy’s many speeches, both on the ground and in the sky.

“Yeah, Octavia leaned more heavily on violence or at least the threat of it at the beginning.”  Nate smiles and adds, “The grand orations did come later though.” 

Everyone smiles at the addendum.  Raven laughs.  Murphy admires her subtly. 

“What about you guys?” Nate prods, “What was it like being back on the Ark?”

“Hard.” Harper’s expression serious.

“There were some dark days,” Monty acknowledges, grabbing her hand.

“Literally,” Emori jests, half serious.    

“The GoSci Ring’s systems were pretty badly damaged, and it would malfunction at times,” Raven confesses, shoulders near imperceivably slumped.  The weight of keeping the Ark alive had been a heavy one.

“Luckily,” Murphy states dryly, “we had the genius to keep everything from falling to hell.”

Raven’s head drops a bit before looking up through her dark eyelashes at him, frown-smile on her face.  Murphy holds her gaze for a few moments.  Emori bristles slightly, clearly trying not to let it bother her.  Emori clears her throat, turning to Nate Miller again.

“Blake was free with those rousing talks though,” she says, “He was really there for all of us.”

“Whenever losing everybody got too hard,” Harper discloses.  Monty looks at her with understanding.

“During faulty algae harvests,” he confesses.

“When staring at the blackness of space made you wonder if we’d have been better off staying on the surface,” Echo states, rejoining them around the fire.

“The man was a machine,” Murphy admires with a nod.

This Murphy is not the one Nate Miller remembers.  Everyone sits there soberly for a few moments _._

“But no floatings, so overall, an improvement,” Murphy breaks the silence with a smirk.

Murphy’s familiar dry wit wakes everyone from their dark remembrances of wanting to give up.  A softness returns to the gathering.  Miller takes his chance.

“And Clarke?”  

Everyone tenses immediately.  Harper looking distressed.  Echo straightens in her place.

“She met her death bravely,” the former warrior states resolutely.

Raven nods her appreciation.  No one elaborates.  Nate concludes this is all he’s going to get about the woman who had saved all their lives countless times.  He glances out into the darkness where Bellamy had walked, as everyone turns to lighter subjects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm really excited to get into this world. I can't believe we still have months to go before Season 5, but grateful that the show's continuing.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you JJFandoms, tina1112, Ashmo2000, rivillie, and Adriana for your encouragement on the last chapter! I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Life in the bunker had come as a startling reality for Skaikru and Grounders alike.  Suddenly, stripped of war and danger, the younger grounders in all clans had found themselves viewing each other through a lens other than potential enemy.  As happens in close quarters, marriages between unexpected parties had taken place.  Once an Azgeda general had married into Trikru, Octavia knew they were on a path away from the previous world. 

Now here they are, on the ground, building a new world.  A world she hopes will bode better than the last two.  She’s still surprised that none of the former Grounders have brought up separating amongst clan lines again.  Surprised more perhaps, that the former Arkers haven’t tried to take supplies and resurrected Arcadia.

Octavia looks around camp, at her people, Wonkru.  It had been a naïve dream that she had poured her blood, sweat and tears turning into reality.  Now, Trikru/Azgeda children are dancing through the flowers nearby.  Bryan and some guy from Sankru laugh whilst inventorying foodstuffs brought in by today’s gatherers.  Jackson is working peacefully with Delfikru healers. 

A part of Octavia mourned Abby’s death for Kane’s sake, but she knows how resistant Doctor Griffin had been to the other healers’ advice and methods.  Jackson, while firmly rooted in the science taught on the Ark, is open to other ways of achieving the greater good.  His willingness to listen is opening the other healers to thing like vaccines and necessary blood transfusions.

“Heda?” 

Octavia turns toward the familiar voice. 

“Has there been any word from the team that went out?  Anything about the others that tried to make it back to space?” Marcus Kane asks.  He had strongly cautioned Octavia against sending search party out so soon to the resurface.

“Not yet,” she returns stiffly.  Kane nods, brows still furrowed.  She really notes the concern in his eyes for the first time since his approach.  Octavia softens slightly.  “I don’t expect them back for another couple of days.  But we will find our answers,” she reassures.

“Thank you, Heda.” Kane tries for a small smile before he walks off to attend to his assigned duties.

Octavia tries to find comfort in her own assurances, Nate has already been gone for 2 days.  There was no way they would have found anything this soon.  But six years is a long time to wait to find out whether your brother had lived or died.  Maybe she will never have answers.

Bellamy had been her whole world for so long.  Their mother had always been working, worried about detection, preoccupied with whatever she did to gain a few extra rations.  Bellamy had been the one to truly raise her.  He’d been the one to tell her stories as night, brush her hair, listen to her fears, shield her from what she now knows was the inevitable truth of her life.  That she would have died there, never having stepped foot outside her four metal walls.  He’d risked meeting a painful radiation-induced death to ensure she wouldn’t have to face this planet alone.  As an adolescent she hadn’t understood his choice to shoot the Chancellor, but as a warrior, as Heda, she finally did.  It was the truth of the harsh times they had lived in on the Ark.

Octavia looks over the treetops of the nearby forest, clouds covering the blue, and she hopes.  She hopes the friend who’d kept her sane in the bunker was safe.  She hopes Nate found some sign that the others had actually made it to space.  She hopes that the brother who’d selflessly loved her is alive.

 

* * *

 

 As Skaifayakru journeys with Nate’s team through the old Trikru forest, Bellamy looks around in amazement.  Wind rustling the leaves overhead, birds and insects calling, and everywhere the rich, damp fragrance of the ground.  He takes it all in.  

From the first moment Bellamy had felt the firm ground beneath his boots, he had loved the Earth.  The absolute freedom.  For himself, for Octavia.  No more constant fear of the council, of stepping out of lines set by the elite. His destiny his own for the first time in his life.  It was beauty itself.  The challenges that would follow had never taken that from him.  He was and is a man meant for the Earth.

Being surrounded by the renewed life of the forest is feeding closed off places in his soul.

“How is this even possible?” Harper breathes.

“We couldn’t believe it either,” Nate replies.  Bellamy looks on, quiet smile on his face.

“This must’ve been part of the 4% of the Earth Allie mentioned would survive,” Raven informs them.

“So, we just spent the last six years in space for what? Kicks?” Murphy cynically theorizes. 

“There wouldn’t have been a way to calculate what miniscule area wouldn’t be hit by the death wave,” Monty claims.

“We should stop for a moment,” Echo calls from ahead, “Replenish our fluids.”  Nate nods in agreement.Monty hunkers down, touching a leaf. 

“Besides,” he instructs, “most of this looks like new growth.”

“Yeah, the people from Agro in the bunker think the trees went into some sort of shock from the radiation levels,” Nate states looking up at the treetops. 

“They probably only survived because of their deep root systems,” Monty suggests, “It looks like all the other plants died, making way for what’s here now.”

“Almost as boring as Earth Skills,” Murphy complains with a roll of his eyes.  Raven arches an eyebrow at him.  Murphy looks properly chastened.  Nate catches the silent exchange.

“Uncool man, sorry,” Murphy offers.  Monty nods, looking unruffled by it.  Nate looks mildly surprised, subtly glancing between Murphy and Raven.  The conversation then drifts to less substantial topics.

A beam of sunlight breaks through the tree cover.  Bellamy closes his eyes and breathes deep the life of the forest.  Witnessing the rebirth of the place he loves so much is flooding his heart with a steady stream of lost happiness.

Raven notices.  She reaches her hand out stealthily, clasping Murphy’s, catching his attention wordlessly.  Murphy startles a little at her contact before looking at her questioningly.  Releasing his hand, she lifts her perfect brows and purposefully glances over at Bellamy.  Murphy’s eyes follow hers.  A happy expression softens his normally borderline discontented face.  Looking back at Raven, they share a smile.  Harper breaks the moment a minute later.

 

When they continue their trek, Bellamy continues to let the joy sink in.  He had survived.  They had survived…they hadn’t _all_ survived.  His steps begin to slow.  He looks down, grimacing.

He had been able to choose his own destiny.  Until a certain Alpha Station daughter took that from him.  First by challenging him, then trusting him, and finally, when she unconsciously stole his heart, he found his destiny irrevocably tied to hers.

Falling slightly behind the group, Bellamy takes a shuddering breath.  She should be here, she _earned_ that.  The breeze should be toying gently with her curls.  The sunlight surrounding her in a halo as she helps rebuild their world.  Able to finally just _live_ on this planet where she’d fought so hard to help them all survive.  What a bastard he is—walking through the forest, smile on his face when…when… Tears well in his eyes.  After all the sacrifices she made, her life shouldn’t have been one of them.

“Did you see something back there, man?” Nate calls out.  The distance between them is wider than Bellamy realized.  He clears his throat.

“It was nothing.” Glancing to the side, he blinks back the traitorous moisture. 

“Are you sure?” Nate takes a step toward him.

“Yes,” Bellamy states resolutely as his swift steps have him catching up.  He doesn’t make eye contact as he passes his friend. 

“You heard the man,” Murphy reiterates with a tight, not-unkind smile.  “Let’s go.”  Nate’s brow furrows before moving along as well. 

 

* * *

 

Bellamy moderates his speed before he outpaces the team of Wonkru.  He’s still inside his head when he hears Harper scream.

“BELLAMY!”

Bellamy makes his way swiftly to Harper’s side near the edge of a what he thought had been a drop off.  She stares down in horror at the sight below.  Bellamy peers over and all thoughts of Clarke are temporarily quieted.  Monty, covered in scratches lays frozen in the partially uncovered grave of the perpetrators of Mt. Weather’s worst crimes.

“Monty,” Bellamy calls out to him. 

The other man doesn’t even seem to register his name as he stares at a degraded lab coat—Dr. Tsing’s. 

“Monty!” Bellamy tries again. 

This seems to catch his attention.  When Monty looks up, tears are wet on his cheeks. 

“Are you alright?” Bellamy crouches down, voice gentler.  Monty blinks a few times before taking a deep breath.

“I think my...I think my ankle’s twisted,” he admits.

“Okay,” Bellamy answers, “We’ll get you out, just hang tight.”  Bellamy looks over his shoulder.  “Murphy!”

“Yeah, boss?” Murphy steps forward.

“Get Raven and Echo working on a stretcher and see if any of Miller’s people have a rope.”

Murphy nods in affirmation and heads away.

Monty’s gaze has started to drift back to the body of the woman whose actions had precipitated the fall of the mountain and the eventual suicide of his best friend. 

“Hey, hey!” Bellamy draws his attention back.

“Jasper…Do you think if I hadn’t…?”  Monty’s face breaks.  Quiet, harsh sobs start.

Bellamy glances back over his shoulder.  He can’t wait for the rope.  He has to go now. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay.”  He begins to climb/slide down as carefully as he can without breaking his line of sight on his friend for long.  Reaching the injured man, Bellamy pulls Monty into a hug.

By the time they come with the stretcher, Monty has a wrapped ankle and a calm demeanor. 

“Are you okay?” Harper ask, grabbing his hand.

“Waves,” Monty replies with a grim smile.  She returns with a small, understanding smile of her own.

 

“And the Earth heroics are back!” Raven jests with Bellamy.

“Yeah, well, it’s about time I take back over,” Bellamy smirks, “I was basically worthless with repairing the Ark.”

“I’ve accepted that not everyone can be as awesome as I am.” Raven smiles wide.

“Or as full of themselves,” Murphy asserted with a sarcastic lilt.

“I seem to recall someone proclaiming themselves ‘Universe’s Best Chef,’” Bellamy replies.  Raven laughs.

“Not a steep competition when everyone else refused to cook,” Murphy grumbles.

“As if you didn’t insist everyone else’s algae tasted like raw sewage,” Raven scoffs playfully.

Bellamy unconsciously grows a relaxed smile as the other two go off into their own banter.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter!!

“You’re telling me no one in this whole camp has any idea where it is?” Octavia fumes.  The assembled members of Wonkru shift nervously.  Beginning to build a more peaceful society had not cause Skairipa’s fierce manner to disappear completely.  No one had expected it to.  The legend of her triumph over the deadliest of the Coalition had outgrown the truth with each telling.  Not that it was something the Heda corrected.  Fear had parleyed well into respect as she led them, and then genuine, hopeful belief amongst her people.  Earth- and space-born alike.

“My apologies, Heda.” Her second shakes his head.  She knows she’s being too hard on all of them.  Patience had never been her strong suit.  Spending her formative years endlessly waiting—waiting for another inspection to be over, waiting for Bellamy to return, waiting to hear anything at all about her family after she was locked in the Sky Box—had made her heart naturally rebel against it.

“It’s all right.” Octavia exhales deeply.  “You’re all dismissed,” Octavia proclaims calmly. 

She keeps her eyes strong until the tent empties, her true emotions only surfacing then.  It had been six years of the same with rare exception.  Octavia moves to stand over a table covered in Trikru’s few remaining records of the area.  None of the Coalition’s clans had known anything about Becca’s island.  _Of course_ they wouldn’t know the distance.  As Octavia continues to let her stress build, static crumbles through the walkie she’s had strapped to her side for days.

“Hello?”

“B…amy…” Nate’s garbled voice comes through.  Octavia’s eyes go wide at the name.

“Nate? Nate?!” Octavia tries frantically.

“…busted…ankle…soon,” the transmission cuts in and out.  Then—nothing.

If waiting before had been torture, trying to puzzle out what Nate had tried to communicate is agony.  Had they found signs that Bellamy had made it into space?  Was one of Nate’s team injured?  Did they _find_ Bellamy?!  Was he hurt?!  Or maybe they’d found his body…she could agonize silently.  She still had to lead.

 

After making sure everyone has their assignments, Octavia spends the next couple of hours alone, pacing near the newly erected wall.  Indra approaches the nearest guard, staring taciturnly into their face until they cower and move away.  She slowly walks toward the former ‘sky girl’.  Adrenaline seems to pour through every vein in the younger woman’s body.

“A warrior does not waste her strength,” Indra tries.  Octavia glares at her.

“I am not waiting for a battle Indra,” she growls standing her ground.  “Nate Miller said my brother’s name.”

“A wise Heda is always expecting a battle,” her former mentor advises.

“No, a wise Heda would find a way to spare the next generation the bloodshed of the past,” Octavia corrects firmly. 

“Perhaps.” Indra bows her head in concession.  Her former second’s path as Heda has both confounded her and made her proud.  Heda had vision and the willingness and forcefulness to make it happen.  “Your brother was a strong man,” Indra states, turning back out toward the forest.  “He may have survived.”

Octavia stares at her.  This was the first real piece of comfort she’s felt since her brother’s name came through the walkie.  Octavia turns toward the forest as well.  The two of them stare out stoically, waiting.

 

* * *

 

Monty’s accident had pulled Bellamy from his guilt for the time being.  He had even joked with Raven and Murphy for a short while after they had started back on their journey.  Bellamy and Nate have been walking silently for the last half hour.  Bellamy glances at the group of Wonkru ahead of them.  He seems satisfied enough with their distance.

“Miller, what is the situation at camp, really?” 

Nate Miller tilts his head in question, waiting for his old friend to speak his mind more plainly. 

“How are stable are things with the Grounders?” Bellamy elaborates, looking again at the people ahead of them.

“Solid,” Nate answers without hesitation.  Bellamy moves to question it. “Really man,” Nate assures, “Even given self-determination, the people would still choose to follow Octavia.  She gives them something to hope for.  We’ve had _five_ solid years of peace.  More than almost any clan has _ever_ seen.  The people want this.”

“Even Azgeda?” Bellamy doubts.

“After Roan lost the conclave, their only remaining general married into another clan.  Everyone’s so intermarried now, we really are Wonkru.” The two men look ahead as Bellamy processes the information.  After a moment, Bellamy’s brows furrow.

“Octavia?” Bellamy’s voice is laced with concern.

“No.” Nate huffs out a laugh.  “She was smart enough to stay _far_ away from the politics a marriage would have involved for her.”

Bellamy hums a response, not fully satisfied with the answer.

“She seems happy though.  Better.  You know?” Bellamy nods in response.  “What about you, man?” Nate asks glancing backwards at the rest of Skaifayakru, particularly at the women his friend has spent the last six years with.

Bellamy’s heart feels an old stab.  He masks it by forcing an overly pleased smirk. “You?” He shifts focus.

“No,” Nate responds with merriment, “Unlike you, I haven’t been sitting around gazing at the stars.  Relationships kinda fell off my radar.”  Bellamy nods at the information.

* * *

 

Clarke is nervously pacing the floor of the tree-top house, as she waits for Madi to come home.  She had finally agreed to Madi’s persistent request to go gathering on her own.  Clarke is cognizant of the fact that Madi needs to know how to survive on her own.  This is Earth after all, but a part of Clarke can’t bear the thought that Madi may someday have to survive without her.  The bunker and the sky have both been silent for six years.  What happens to Madi if Clarke’s wrong and she wasn’t fast enough turning the power on six years ago?  Clarke shakes the dark thoughts from her head and reaches for the walkie, her lifeline. 

“Bellamy,” she begins, “It’s Madi’s first time out by herself.  How did you take Octavia leaving camp?”  She glances out at the forest around her.  “Not well, I remember.” She laughs as the memory of him tearing around camp resurfaces.  “You could be such a nightmare.  You saved us though.  We would have lost everybody if you hadn’t insisted everyone spend every waking moment on that wall.”  Clarke takes in a deep breath.  “I built a house.  You’d be proud.  If you ever came back down from the sky that is.” Clarke lifts her finger off the button for a moment.  “Who’s going to be there for Madi when something finally happens to me, Bell?”

“Nomon?”  Clarke jumps up as her daughter approaches her hesitantly. 

“How did it go?” She forces a bright smile.

“Nomon,” Madi begins gently, “I’m not a little kid.  You don’t have to keep things from me.  Whatever it is, I can handle it.”

“No, everything’s—” Clarke cuts herself off as she hears her mother’s voice come from her own mouth.  “Come here, Natblida.”  Sitting back down, she pats the spot by her.  “We need to talk about something…”

 

* * *

 

“We need to get Monty into medical as soon as we get in,” Bellamy is instructing Murphy as they break through the tree line in front of Wonkru’s camp, when he hears a voice he knows as well as his own.

“Big brother!”  Octavia calls out jubilantly.

His eyes whip to her.  She strides forward confidently.  He doesn’t fully know what to expect, things had been tense during the last months before the death wave forced him into space and her underground.  Bellamy had so much time to process his part in everything that happened because of Pike.  Octavia erases any doubts as she wraps her arms over his shoulders.  He matches her grip’s intensity. 

“I thought I’d lost you,” comes Octavia’s voice gruffly.

“You’ve never been able to shake me before,” he laughs emotionally.

They pull back.  He catalogs the differences six years have brought.  The changes are minor but there is a new-found solidity to her, a sense of purpose about her.

“Where are your little Grounder braids?” he teases.

“The Heda doesn’t wear ‘little Grounder braids,’” Octavia voices with faux-condescension. 

“Heda.” Bellamy takes in the word with wonderment.  “You really did it.”

“I did,” Octavia acknowledges.

“I never doubted you.”  Bellamy smiles proudly. 

“I did,” Octavia reveals, more soberly, “and I wasn’t alone.”  Bellamy’s jaw tightens at the implications, but he softens into a smirk as he takes in his sister’s warrior marks.

“I have a feeling you took that as more of a challenge, O.” 

“A family trait I believe.” Octavia’s eyes glint with mischief.  Bellamy huffs out a laugh.  They begin to head into the camp.  “I made the choices that needed to be made,” Octavia states truthfully.

“And now?”

“And now,” Octavia nods toward the people milling about, “Now, I can build a world apart from the Ark’s heartless practicality and the instability of the Coalition.  Give my people a real chance to start over.”  Bellamy looks proudly at his sister.  They walk on in a comfortable silence.


	5. Chapter 5

Bellamy and Octavia’s faces have peaceful expressions from their long hoped for reunion.  Bellamy’s glance takes in his friends clumped near the communal fire as he approaches them with his sister.

“You guys take the night to settle in,” Octavia addresses him a slightly more businesslike tone, “first thing tomorrow I’ll need to meet with you and Clarke to figure out your roles within Wonkru.”

Bellamy’s heartrate immediately picks up as he freezes.  He averts his eyes to hide the emotions flashing through them. 

“People are going to have questions about Wanheda joining us,” Octavia asserts, confused at his reaction.

Octavia’s just standing there, looking at him, waiting for a response.  He can’t say it though.  Can’t own up to what happened to Clarke; how he just…just left her.

Murphy steps in.  “She didn’t make it,” he states simply.

Octavia’s eyes widen before scanning the newly returned group for the blonde force of nature.  She tries to get a read from Nate, but he just shrugs subtly, clearly lacking details as well.  Octavia looks back at her big brother, he looks haunted as he stares at the ground.  Octavia had never been able to completely pin down what Clarke and he had been to each other.  What had they been to each other all these years in space?

“I’m sorry, Bell,” Octavia offers softly, placing her hand on his arm.  Bellamy takes in a deep breath and forces himself to meet her eyes.

“Where should we set up our tents?” he queries after a moment, voice slightly gruff.

“Let me show you,” she follows his tone emotionally.  Murphy looks at her grateful and relieved. 

 

* * *

 

That night at dinner, Murphy seats himself at the far reaches of the flames, trying to assess Wonkru.  He watches Monty and Harper take place next to Nate with smiles on their faces.  His eyes narrow as former grounders cast unsure glances at Emori until Echo walks up with all the regality of a member of the Azgeda elite and sits with her.  Emori smiles as the members of Wonkru nod at both of them.

“So, cockroaches really do scatter away from the light.” Raven approaches from behind.

“Yeah, well,” he tries to come off indifferent.  She seats herself beside him, they both look out at the large group surrounding the central fire.  “What am I here?”

“The same person you were before,” Raven answers levelly.  Murphy turns his analytical gaze on her.

“Everyone’s favourite opportunist?” he theorizes with a snort.  Raven gives him an unimpressed stare.  It has its intended effect.  “I was a thief at best.”  Murphy’s eyes go to the fire, still feeling guilty about Raven’s leg, among other things.  “Sometimes far worse on the ground.”

Raven waits for his eyes to make their way back to her. 

“Being on the ground doesn’t erase the last six years, Murphy,” she tells him earnestly, “Six years you spent proving you’re more than that.”  Murphy nods, processing.  “Even if you proved useless at exterior repairs,” Raven adds with a sly smile.

“We can’t all be zero-g freaks.”  Murphy relaxes with the conversation’s turn as Raven gives him a smug smile.  “Missing your spacewalks yet?”

“If it means I never have to eat another bite of algae, I gladly give up the privilege,” Raven answers as she looks at her meal.  Murphy grins at her, admiration clear on his face before she looks up.

 

* * *

 

Bellamy smiles a little as he passes the pair.  The idea of the two together just makes sense to him.  Underneath the snark, there was genuine affection and understanding.  It was still to be seen if they would figure it out.  Bellamy grabs a plate and seeks out Octavia by the fire.

 “I don’t remember the last time I ate something that didn’t taste vaguely of sewage,” he comments, standing over her.  Looking up, Octavia tries to quickly assess him.  She relaxes when he smiles at her and sits.

“Murphy’s cooking that bad?” Octavia questions with a grin.  Bellamy harrumphs.

“Trust me, everyone else’s was much, much worse.”  The two eat in an almost comfortable silence for a few minutes. 

“You ever wonder what Mom would’ve thought about everything down here?” Octavia starts.  Bellamy nods his head, the corners of his mouth turned down for a moment.  The pain of that loss has dulled enough over time. 

“She would have been so _proud_ of you, O,” he offers with a pleased smile after a moment, “Amazed at everything you’ve become.”  Octavia smiles and looks down.  “ _I_ am.  I mean it, O,” Bellamy insists, “You’ve done more than I ever could.  You didn’t just keep these people alive.  Look at them.  You gave them _hope_.”

Octavia and Bellamy look about at the surrounding Wonkru.  Octavia’s face lights up at her peaceful tribe. 

A few minutes later, Echo approaches.

“Bellamy—” she begins before catching sight of Octavia.  “Heda.”  Echo bows her head respectively.  Octavia pauses, pondering all that had come before with the spy.  Bellamy gives his sister a look of censure.  She rolls her eyes.

“Please join us, Echo,” Octavia offers neutrally.  Echo looks up, surprised.  “You helped keep my brother alive on the Ark,” Octavia softens the smallest bit.  “You’re welcome here.  The past seems to have burned up in Priamfaya.”  The three eat in relative silence, each watching the goings on of the camp.

“Does all Skaikru courtship go this slow?”  Echo questions.  Octavia looks at Bellamy in alarm, she was forgiving but it had its limits.  Bellamy returns with a look of disbelief.  Relief sweeps through her that her brother isn’t involved with the woman who had nearly killed her more than once.  Emori joins them quietly during the exchange.  Octavia turns her gaze back to Echo.  Echo gestures her head toward Raven and Murphy. 

“Painful isn’t it?” Emori asks with forced merriment.  Bellamy chuckles.

“Hey,” Octavia starts in, “I don’t seem to remember many late nights for you on the Ark the first time around.”

“What, and have you ask fifty questions later?”  Bellamy and Octavia begin to go back and forth between the two of them.

Echo turns to Emori.  “For you?” she asks, getting to the heart of the matter.

“I’m fine,” Emori states.  Echo gives her a look.  Emori rolls her eyes.“I will be,” she admits with more honesty, “He wasn’t my John anymore. We both changed.  I was just the first to admit it.”  Echo nods thoughtfully.

* * *

The following morning, Octavia and Bellamy go over his role.  No further mention is made of Clarke, but she’s hardly far from his thoughts. 

“It appears you have a following,” Raven points out with an amused expression at lunch.  Bellamy turns his head and notices a small group of children not very subtly trailing him.  A little boy glances toward him.  Bellamy catches his gaze; the lad looks a bit frightened.  Bellamy’s face softens into a wide smile.  The child’s own grin spreads across his face.  Bellamy gestures his head and the boy comes over, his friends all stare at their friend amazed.

“What’s your name?” Bellamy asks crouching down.

“Amir kom Wonkru.” The little boy stands to his full height.

“Well, Amir kom Wonkru, I’m—” Bellamy starts with a grin.

“Everyone knows who you are.  You’re Bellamy kom Skaifayakru.  You travelled from space,” Amir finishes in awe.

“I did,” Bellamy acknowledges, “Is that what you want to know about?”  The little boy’s eyes grow wide as he nods.  “Tell you what, grab your friends and join me for lunch.”  The widest smile breaks across Amir’s face as he runs back over, gathering his friends.

“Your mythic status seems cemented,” Raven teases.

“Enjoy your lunch today.”  Bellamy grabs his portion of food.  “I’ll be sure to send them your way for follow up questions. 

“Just try not to adopt any of them.”  Raven plucks the food from his hands and saunters off to join Murphy.

The gaggle of small children gather around Bellamy as he sits on the Earth’s floor.  He takes in their young faces as he answers their every question about life in space, both this time and when he was a small child like them.  Ten minutes in, he realizes he’s looking for her bright blue eyes among them.

 

Bellamy finds himself searching for her in every face as he walks through the camp.  As he’s encouraging his people as they adjust to life in camp, he’s looking for her nod of approval.  Even when he’s discussing the best place to set up a permanent camp with Octavia, he half expects Clarke to barge into the tent and insist on her own idea. 

It’s been _six years_ he tries to remind himself as he lays on his bedroll that night.  His mind won’t shut off.  On the GoSci Ring, he’d found a way to push most of his thoughts of her to the side with sheer force of will, but Bellamy hadn’t known Clarke on the Ark.  Here, every tree, every breeze insists on pulling that pain out of the carefully crafted box he’d locked it in.  He gets up to check the camp’s perimeter.  The old familiarity sounds comforting, even if there is no real need.  He’s not sleeping anyway.

Still unaccustomed to the darkness that is the ground at night, Bellamy almost runs straight into Marcus Kane five minutes in. 

“Bellamy,” Kane greets him, shifting into the light.

“Kane.” Bellamy clasps an extended hand.  Kane smiles, but there’s something too raw in his eyes.  It feels like it could swallow Bellamy whole if he let it.  “I, uh, I heard about Abby.  I’m sorry.”  Kane nods.

“I am sorry for your loss as well.  I know how much Clarke meant to you.”  Bellamy shifts, uncomfortably.  “Please know, if you ever want to talk, I’m here.”

“I should, uh,” Bellamy tries to excuse himself, needing to find a way to avoid interacting with Kane. 

“Sleep.  Of course.” Kane gives him an understanding smile before walking off into the night.

Kane’s grief is too close to the shadows at the edge of Bellamy’s soul.  He knows it’s probably selfish, but he can’t be around his former mentor, not if he wants to keep functioning.  And he needs to keep functioning, he reminds himself, people still need him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience as I took an unexpected two months off posting.


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